As I will be releasing Part Two of My Father & The Lost Legend of Pear Tree next year. I have reduced Part One to £0.99 on Amazon Kindle.
As I will be releasing Part Two of My Father & The Lost Legend of Pear Tree next year. I have reduced Part One to £0.99 on Amazon Kindle.
Self Published Author & Writer.
I also campaign for statue projects dear to my heart.
‘There are those that look at things the way they are, and ask why? I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?’
Every Coffee helps to keep me writing and dreaming 🙂
I’m currently in the process of creating a Statue for the Legendary Kevin Coyne of Normanton – Derby. My friend Andrew Edwards is on board.
I wrote the following the other day.
This is why it matters.
‘The fact that he was Normanton born like me is of great significance but much more important than that is the realisation of just how much he did through his Music, Art and Writing to promote mental health awareness. He obviously had family and friends that had suffered in the past and he chose to do his utmost best to support the vulnerable. Not only by working in mental health institutes but then continuing to pursue it through his art.
Mental health awareness is always a difficult topic to put across. It can be so disheartening when you try and help others but you have the doors firmly slammed in your face. That aspect of his music may not have always appealed to the big record companies, but Kevin never gave up. He never allowed himself to be compromised. He continued relentlessly till the end.
“I don’t see the point in doing anything unless you’re going to say something, unless you’re going to try and communicate, or even to instruct in some things, to share or pass on a feeling that hasn’t reached other people. To encapsulate certain feelings for people that they haven’t been able to express. Sounds a bit pompous, but I’ve got the ability to do these things. So, why not use it?” Kevin Coyne (Liquorice, 1976)”
I’ve tried to do the same with my writing after the suicide of my father. It’s difficult at times when you can’t get the message across, as some people just don’t want to engage. But all the statues I have worked on in the past have been for a reason. To bring happiness back into people’s lives. To remember lost loved ones. In most cases lost fathers.
This is also my way of remembering my own father and giving back to my community.
Steve Bloomer kicked it all off and it seems quite right that I might just come full circle with Kevin Coyne. If this is the last statue I ever work on. I’ll be more than happy to say I contributed in bringing Kevin Coyne home.
And to think. I’ve only known about Kevin since last Wednesday. Ha’
Kalwinder manages to do this without preaching or lecturing to his readers but just by simply and modestly writing about the ways he tackled things himself.
I think this book works on two levels. Firstly on a person to person level but also on a larger and more general level. At a time in this world when tensions between racial and political factions have never seemed so dangerous and threatening this book could hardly have come at a more appropriate time.
Kalwinder is from the Sikh community and very proud of his origins. But he is equally proud of the friends he’s made in this country and willing to embrace the aspects of our cultures and traditions he approves of without prejudice. For example he has helped to have monuments to Derby celebrities, Brian Clough and Steve Bloomer and helped to write a book about a school he attended here as a teenager. But most important of all is Kalwinder’s approach to life in general. Instead of anger and despair he seeks tolerance and understanding. We need more people like this in our society and I wish him all the luck in the world.
I was on the BBC Radio Derby Satvinder Rana Show earlier. Preet Gill MP also appeared on the show via telephone at 34m. Myself and Ranjit Seehra appear at 46m.
On Saturday 10th June 2017 I attended the Derby Book Fair Event at the Derby Silk Mill. However, this year I appeared as an Author for the first time. In the previous two years I was a volunteer for the Derby Book Festival.
I had a great day and met some lovely people. Some I knew from the past and some I had never met before. It was great to be there to talk about my life and my writing and especially the books I have released.
Thank you once again to Steve Bloomer for watching over me 🙂
And Steve Wetton for being by my side.
I also did a reading from Chapter One of My Father & The Lost Legend of Pear Tree – Part One.
Thank You to everyone who attended and engaged with me.
Picture: Derby Telegraph
It was a great honour to be there in the presence of the Silk Mill ‘Weeping Window’ Poppies too, knowing that I also designed the Sikh Poppy Khanda for the Royal British Legion a few years previously.
Last Tuesday I spent a good couple of hours giving Matt Barlow of the Daily Mail a tour of Pear Tree in Normanton, Derby.
Once home to Derby County Football Club.
The old neighbourhood where Steve Bloomer was raised.
Chris Cornell best known as the lead vocalist for the bands Soundgarden and Audioslave died by suicide last month.
It was quite a shock to hear of his passing and then subsequently find out that he had taken his life by his own hands.
Whenever I hear about suicides like this, I always think to myself:
‘If only there was someone there with them in those moments before they made the decision to end their life. If only they could have spoken to someone’.
‘If only they could have heard a voice. Something, anything to make them snap out of their mindset for them to reconsider what they were going to do’.
I then began thinking about some kind of audio device vulnerable people could carry with them for this particular scenario. A device in which a message is pre-recorded and then played back in times of urgent need and desperation.
A message of reassurance and positivity that once pressed might make the person reconsider and possibly change their mind. To pull them back from the edge. To create a moment of doubt.
It could be a message they have recorded themselves, a message from a loved one or a medical specialist offering reassurance and advice.
A simple record-playback device that could be pressed at the push of a button and temporarily snap someone back into reality.
I decided to look into the idea. The ideal device would work with a simple push of a button, very much like a Star Trek Communicator badge.
I ordered these items above a few days ago. On the left is a ‘Talking Button’. It is able to record and play audio up to 10s. On the right is a Recordable Voice Module Sound Talk Chip (30s).
As you can see, the item on the left is quite large and bulky for it to be turned into a badge, so I decided to play around with the Talk Chip instead.
Having trimmed down the motherboard, I squeezed it all into a little Vaseline container and then added the push button onto the back. It works quite well. And there is no need for speaker holes either. The sound produced is easily able to pass through the container without being muffled.
I’m just waiting for a bar pin now to glue to the back so that I can test it out properly whilst wearing it as a badge.
In the Asian community, the man is seen as the head of the household. So much is expected of him from the instant he takes on the responsibility to provide for his family.
My father was a proud and gentle man who always tried to do his best for those closest to him. My father was a good man. He was not a criminal; he did not commit a crime. He did not ‘commit’ suicide, but my father, Mohinder Singh Dhindsa, did die by suicide on March 1st 2006, resulting from a mental illness that had corrupted his mind thus silencing him forever. It also silenced many more around him who were also deeply affected by his death
Suicide stops people talking. Whether it is the person who has just taken their own life or the loved ones bereaved and left behind to pick up the pieces. The lack of engagement with the bereaved is a serious problem in our community due to the apparent fear of upsetting close family or just not being able to approach the subject or not knowing what to say.
Another factor in this is the issue of shame and dishonour within cultural groups. All these factors further diminish the good memories of the loved one who has passed on, resulting in a paradox in which as they are no longer talked about – they could possibly be forgotten in time forever.
Suicide stops people in their tracks. On March 1st 2006 that was definitely the case for me. It took me a long while to finally get back on track. An uncertain journey that eventually saw me on the straight and narrow, almost nine years later which was developed upon hearing about what led to the death of Robin Williams. The man who set me free and provided me with a form of closure and an acceptance to understand. This then allowed me to try to do my utmost best to help others who have also travelled a similar path.
But before that life affirming revelation I chose to open up to myself first and foremost. Immediately after my father’s death, I knew that I could never allow my memories of him to be lost in time. Therefore I decided to write down all the feelings and memories I still had of him in my life, up to that point. The memories I still retained within my mind took me to places only I could find and recall within the deepest corners of my mind. They had to be written down for posterity. The memories needed to be kept safe from the fear of one day losing them altogether should my own mind also be corrupted in the same manner as my father’s.
It was difficult to talk to anyone at the time; a cloak of silence seemed to have masked all attempts to understand why my father’s death occurred. Religion mixed with custom soaked, in culture. Suicide was taboo, a stigma to be avoided at all cost.
Eventually I began to seek some professional help. Thankfully, I was referred to a Mental Health Therapist who helped me set foot onto the road to happiness. A person who listened without prejudice, unblemished by society’s taboo.
Pain was the motivator for my change. An opportunity to question my life and move on. There had to be no time to stop and contemplate the darkness. I needed to be distracted. Thankfully writing came to my rescue.
But what of all those who can not see a way out? Who are not able to communicate their thoughts or feelings? No energy to engage? No ability to seek help? How do we help them? Anxiety and depression saps their spirit. Suicide will amputate it.
If the answer to the suffering of our people does not lie in our own community then we need to show these people a different pathway. Secrets can destroy lives. Especially for those that try to convince the world and themselves that they are not suffering. These people need to know there is no need to hide and that there is a way out if they seek to destroy the stigma of mental illness. There are agencies out there that they can talk to who will understand what they are going through. You are not alone. It’s time that our community stopped ignoring the most vulnerable that are obviously in need of help. We need to accept that mental illness corrupts the mind. Let us all take the onus if we see someone in difficulty. We can not leave it in the hands of those that suffer. We need to show them the light. Help is out there if only we can help them to ask for it.
Keep talking. Keep moving on. Keep the faith. Disown the stigma of suicide within our culture.
Between 1800 and 1930
I am currently in the process of starting to finish
My Father & The Lost Legend of Pear Tree
Unlike Part One I will not be releasing the Chapters on this site.
I hope to release the book by March 2018.
From Portland Street to Downing Street. My quest for happiness has taken me to the steps of No.10.
I stand on the ground beneath my feet upon which Sir Winston Churchill defied the Gestapo and all the apparatus of Nazi rule.
Two roads diverged in a village street, and I –
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
ESWCSBRF1874 — at 10 Downing Street.
Going to Downing Street was all down to an accumulation of things I have done over the years since the death of my father. Things I needed to do to keep me distracted. To keep me ticking along. To keep me busy. More than anything to keep me happy and to raise my spirits. Many of these things I have contributed to have involved my community. My People. Derby folk. Punjabi folk. My folk.
‘NEVER REJECT YOUR OWN COMMUNITY NO MATTER WHAT FAULTS YOU FIND WITHIN IT.’
I’ve done nothing alone. I’ve always tried to bring others with me. You can’t do anything worthwhile alone. Everyone needs help to move forward in life.
Thanks for helping me all.
I’m not finished yet;
Anton Rippon, author of A Derby Boy
Yesterday I released ‘Homelands Revisited’.
Two paperbacks versions are now available on Amazon to buy.
Both books are of the same size and contain exactly the same content. The only difference is that the colour version has a mixture of both colour and black & white pictures/photos, and the black & white version is entirely black & white inside.
The reason for this was because I didn’t want to put people off buying the colour version if it seemed too expensive for them.
Another thing to clarify: I will be making very little money from the sales myself. The vast majority of the money will be swallowed up by printing costs etc.
I have also decided to provide a PDF version for a minimum fee of £2.99
Also, please remember that any profit generated from the sales of this book will be ploughed back into restoring the Honours Boards as well as creating the ‘Homelands Plaque’.
Finally, thank you to Philip Heath and Tom Fulep for their great assistance in putting this book together.
It’s been a great honour.
Next project ‘Homelands Reclaimed’. I’ll reveal more about that in the future.
I was on Radio Derby earlier.
You can hear what I have to say around the 0900 mark.
Nomia asks: Has it become easier for men to talk about their emotions?
Also, our immigration guru Harjap Bhangal answers your questions. Nisha and Hamel Soni talk about their young son Kush who has Down’s Syndrome and discusses whether the condition is still taboo in the Asian community.
Kalwinder Singh Dhindsa was a newly married and recently qualified teacher when he received the news that his father had taken his own life.
For Dhindsa in Derby, closure after his father’s death came as a result of his decision to prioritise his personal happiness above any other ambition.
Today is March 12th 2017.
It has been one full year since the since the death of Marjorie Calow. Marjorie was a student at Homelands Grammar School for Girls in the early 1940s. She later came back to Teach as Mrs Harrison.
In late 2016 Philip Heath left a post on the wall of this group informing that he had the original ‘Homelands Grammar School for Girls – Honours Boards’ and if anybody wanted them he would be happy to give them away. If not they would be disposed of. I quickly replied saying that I would give them a good home.
Philip is the co-executor of Marjorie’s estate. On October 1st 2016 I drove down to Melbourne to collect the Boards. During this visit I was also given a box of Marjorie’s Homelands possessions.
In this box I found two booklets, one was called ‘Homelands Remembered’ and the other ‘Homelands from the beginning 1938-43’.
Both books were put together by Homelands Old Girls.
I wanted to share these books with this group, but the last thing I wanted to do was just scan them. That would have been too easy.
So with permission I asked if I could reissue them in book form, with extra memories, profiles and information. To give these memories a wider audience and also acknowledge the hard work and effort that was initially put into these booklets to keep the memory of Homelands alive.
Today I will reveal the Cover Art designed by Tamás Miklós Fülep another Homelands Old Boy.
The book itself, called ‘Homelands Revisited’ should be released before the end of this month.
I’ll also be on Radio Derby later in the evening talking about the book.
My ‘Homelands Revisited’ Interview on BBC Radio Derby today with Satvinder Rana
Any money made from this book will be used:
– To restore the Honours Boards and give them a new home.
– To erect a plaque at the old school site (Village Primary School).
Compiled by Kalwinder Singh Dhindsa
Cover Art by Tamás Miklós Fülep
Foreword by Philip Heath
Marjorie Calow of Melbourne
To be released in March 2017.
As we enter the next phase of austerity, pressure will continue to build on the NHS and other resources that treat mental health problems will also be strained. Tackling this will not be easy. Mental health issues require multiple, connected strategies, and cannot be addressed with singular, disjointed policies. This is because in the United Kingdom, different communities are at differing points in regard to their views on mental health. It is important to understand the subject positions, histories and cultures of those suffering from mental health issues if progress is to made.
For example, South Asian communities are acting in the condition of post-colonialism in which their subjectivity is shaped by many structures of oppression. This is true for the Punjabi diaspora in the United Kingdom which has been shaped through its experience of migration, settlement and integration. There are now over 200,000 Punjabi people in the UK, predominantly in areas like Southall and Handsworth. The bulk of these people migrated to the UK in the aftermath of World War II and the subsequent partition of India.
Partition caused a deep sense of trans-generational trauma with the event displacing more than fourteen million people (over five million of whom were Punjabis) and violently dividing the region into what we now know as India and Pakistan. This violence led to the disappearance of two million people and the largest mass migration in human history; the trauma from this event still lingers heavily over the heads of British Punjabis. As a result, events such as the partition of India need to be considered when addressing mental health issues within Punjabi communities, particularly in regards to the older generation.
Whilst settling, first generation immigrant families faced extreme racism and hostility in the United Kingdom. Being placed at the bottom of Britain’s class hierarchy, many made their livings in factories and through manual labour. My nana (grandfather) worked as a carpenter, his family and his brothers’ families all lived in one house – children shared beds, adults worked multiple jobs and money was sparse. My family now find themselves in a better financial situation, and a lot of this is success is based on the hard-work of the first generation of adults living and working in the United Kingdom. The diligence of previous generations has shaped a distinct Punjabi identity, and an idyllic Punjabi masculinity that is deeply intertwined with traits such as perseverance, determination and fulfilling provider roles.
Similarly, over time, hegemonic forms of masculinity in the United Kingdom have largely prided themselves on rationality, control and stability – defining themselves against the feminine, which is perceived to be emotional, uncontrolled and unstable. Discourse around illness, both physical and mental, currently fit into this gendered framework so as to champion health, and feminise illness. Within current cultural discourse, someone hoping to legitimise their manliness in such a society is unlikely to acknowledge, diagnose and engage with treatment for mental health issues. It is within this gender context that Punjabi diaspora operates. Here, cultural notions of hard-work and providing for one’s family combine themselves with British structures of masculinity. A Punjabi who is physically or mentally ill can be viewed from the outside as someone who is not providing for their family, and mental illness is continually marginalised due to its lack of “physical” impact.
Historically, Punjabi people have been painted in a militaristic light; they were labelled as a “martial” race by the British which encouraged their participation in very violent, and emotionless masculine performance. When speaking about mental health issues, many are implicitly told to “get over” what ever is bothering them, or their experiences are belittled and often compared to elders’ lives who “went through more hardship” than they ever could. The reality is that the first generation went through different hardships to those who are growing up in twenty-first century Britain which presents its own problems and challenges. No good can come of the different generations within the Punjabi diaspora competing over who suffered more and why; each has had to face many obstacles here in the UK.
Despite few studies being conducted on the mental health of Punjabi males, members of the diaspora are well aware of how common alcoholism and suicide are amongst Sikh men. For men of all cultures living in the UK, suicide is the most common cause of death for those aged eighteen to forty nine; one of the reasons for this is the emotionally closed and insular conceptions of masculinity they are presented with and thus see themselves and legitimise their maleness. Punjabi men experience this because they are shaped by more culturally Punjabi notions of masculinity, particularly in the post-colonial context. This double-burden of both notions of masculinity in Britain, and a diligent, unwavering work-ethic needs to be considered within the Punjabi context. The subjectivity of such people, the nuances of their pasts and how this affects their present lived experience are all factors which require understanding when offering services that combat mental health issues.
Outside of the Punjabi diaspora a prominent strategy to combat mental health stigma has been the discussion of mental health issues by celebrities. These celebrities speak about their own experiences in an effort to normalise, encourage and provoke discussion around a subject that had been considered taboo for many years. I found one commonality with most of the media and its presentation of celebrities discussing mental health: whiteness. In general, only white women have spoken of mental health in an open and informative way, some white men have also involved themselves in such discussions. However, there was very little space occupied by people of colour – which limits the potential effectiveness of this approach, particularly as people of colour are more likely to be affected by mental health problems. Lena Dunham, or even Steven Fry, speaking about their mental health issues, will do very little to combat stigma in South Asian and Punjabi communities.
Step forward Mudhsuden Singh Panesar, better known as Monty Panesar, a British Punjabi cricketer who has represented England at international level. Last year Monty Panesar was interviewed about his life, and a large portion of this discussion was around the mental health issues that he was going through towards the end of his playing career. Panesar touched on the taboo around mental illness within South Asian communities and noted the ways in which conceptions of gender and masculinity play an important role in mental health discourse. Following his interview, Panesar said he had a lot of young Asians coming forward to discuss the stigmatised topic. Such young people perhaps wouldn’t have been so willing to reach out after hearing w white person speak about depression. The position Panesar occupies as a Sikh male makes him a more accessible gatekeeper for discussions surrounding mental health for Punjabi males. Further examples of South Asians speaking openly about mental health include musician Apache Indian and public figures Manisha Tailor and Kal Dhindsa.
In conclusion, more needs to be done to get prominent Punjabis (and people of colour more generally) to speak about their mental health and actively try to destigmatise a topic that is bound up within a complex web of cultural identities and post-colonial nuances. Mental health treatment is very complex but from the outset it should be noted that mental health issues affect different communities in different ways; the variety of human subjectivities has to shape mental health discussion, diagnosis and treatment.
This article first appeared in the winter ’17 edition of Consented’s quarterly print magazine which you can buy online now.
Kal Singh Dhindsa says Robin Williams’ death helped him understand his father’s suicide.
Buy both books in paperback on Amazon and receive free delivery
My next book to be released will be called ‘Homelands Revisited’.
Collected memories from ex students of Homelands Grammar School for Girls.
A reissue of ‘Homelands from the beginning 1938-43’ & ‘Homelands Remembered’.
It is hoped that profits from this book will go towards erecting a plaque at the old school site on Village Street, Derby.
I wasn’t expecting to do this interview. Martyn Williams caught me on the way out of Radio Derby (Having listened to my BBC Asian Network Interview) and asked me to go back in for a little mini interview for Radio Derby.
A Great #LoveToRead Interview conducted by @martynmnw of @BBCDerby with me about my love of Books
“The Punjabi Alphabet Activity book introduces the Punjabi alphabet to children and beginners who are more familiar using the English language. Read – Colour – Write”
The Punjabi Alphabet Activity book introduces the Punjabi alphabet to children and beginners who are more familiar using the English language
Kal Dhindsa, whose father and uncle both killed themselves, wrote a book about the tragedy; My Father & The Lost Legend of Pear Tree.
“In our culture, men are seen as the breadwinner, men of the house, top of their game,” he said. “So sufferers try to remain strong and we don’t talk about it.
“Women also find it hard to talk because they fear they’ll be labelled as ‘possessed’.”
But he believes his community should address the lack of communication about mental health that leads to people suffering in silence.
“My dad didn’t share what was on his mind – and he took his life,” he said.
“In retrospect the signs were there. We, as a community, need to talk more about these ‘difficult’ things. Talking is the cure to this illness.”
“Kal is a Whooverville regular and a long-time supporter of our event. During the day he will be at the Whoovers stall selling and signing copies of his book My Father and the Lost Legend of Pear Tree, which discusses his father’s battle with mental illness, culminating in his suicide. Being a fan, the book also contains references to Doctor Who.”
We are pleased to confirm that our friend local author Kalwinder Singh Dhindsa will be at Whooverville 8. Kal is a Whooverville regular and a long-time supporter of our event. During the day he will be at the Whoovers stall selling and signing copies of his book My Father and the Lost Legend of Pear Tree, which discusses his father’s battle with mental illness, culminating in his suicide. Being a fan, the book also contains references to Doctor Who.
When I first saw the cover to ‘My Father & The Lost Legend of Pear Tree’, I presumed it was a children’s book; perhaps an adventurous work of fiction where a top-knotted young boy plays the central role. I started to read the blurb only to quickly realise how wrong I was and now having digested the work, a closer look at the cover makes me feel all the more foolish for my initial judgement. So what lies behind the illustrious cover and engimatic title?
‘My Father & The Lost Legend of Pear Tree’ started life as a series of posts on a blog run by Derby-native Kalwinder Singh Dhindsa. Depicted as “a true story about a ‘Doctor Who’ loving Sikh Derby boy and his quest for happiness“, the story follows Dhindsa “as he comes to terms with his father’s suicide“. I say story, but the narrative consistently traverses time and space; as the reader is introduced to a particular setting, they are just as swiftly transported elsewhere at the whim of the author’s pen. For this reason the book can sometimes read like a personal journal, offering insights into some of the most personal and private experiences that Dhindsa has faced thus far, but as they are adjoined by precise observations of his surroundings, the work takes on a much broader sense of genre. This is not the kind of story that one might expect to read and whether intentionally or unintentionally, the author’s master stroke is to opt for a form of story-telling that requires alertness and thought from the reader, all the while softening the blow of the subject matter.
The focus throughout is the suicide of Dhindsa’s father. Every page draws the reader closer to the inevitable tragedy that has instigated the author to write, but with it we are given a window into the well-being of other characters, not excluding Kalwinder himself. Only when I had finished reading the book was I able to appreciate how the narrative works in the most wonderful way to alleviate the awkwardness that comes with tackling what remains one of the most sensitive subjects of our time. Suicide and the mental health of a person who contemplates it, is a topic that goes unspoken in most communities around the World, let alone amongst minority communities struggling for identity in the West. But as the reader is strewn along the author’s troublesome journey to becoming a school Science teacher and trailing in his intricate knowledge of the Pear Tree suburb of Derby, the reasons for his father’s decline and suicide are laid bare with both care and respect. If South Asians living in 21st Century Britain need an introduction to talk more openly about mental health and suicide, this book is it.
Kalvinder Singh Dhindsa is a school teacher who has used his summer holidays and spare time to author this, his first book. Looking in, you’d be forgiven for assuming that this undertaking was a form of therapy for Dhindsa, but this is somewhat unfair to the talent he displays in writing. He provides an overwhelming amount of detail when recalling people, places and occasions, which can occasionally appear mundane, but the format of his writing means that you aren’t kept in any one memory for long enough to stop you reading.
I have to confess that I was looking forward to exploring this book to see how it tackled the taboo topic of mental health in the South Asian community, particularly amongst men – which from the preceding paragraphs you will have seen I think it does extremely well. But what kept me turning each page was the deeper story being told here about identity and the migrant experience. Dhindsa brings together the muddied world that is life for the offspring of Punjabi migrants – marrying ‘home’ that is now his UK residence with the ‘home’ that was left behind in Punjab, both traversed through the traditions of the Sikh way of life. In this regard it is a must-read for UK citizens of Punjabi origin, throwing up a mirror for us to reflect on our own journey. I would even go as far as to say that it was an entertaining read, which might appear unkempt for a book on this subject matter, but is not at all untrue. I found myself teary-eyed and chuckling in equal measure, and despite being very different to the author in a number of ways, it was the similarity of our search for meaning that will have me reaching to read this book again.
‘My Father & The Lost Legend of Pear Tree – Part One’ by Kalwinder Singh Dhindsa can be bought at Amazon.
Thank You to the Sikh Press Association for all their assistance.
Interviews on BBC Radio Stoke and BBC Radio Leeds.
BBC STOKE Ajmal Hussain / BBC LEEDS Mussy Abbasi
My Father & The Lost Legend of Pear Tree is essentially a story about my father’s suicide and how a reconnection with a ghostly pale face from the past takes me on a journey of regeneration and discovery. Thus allowing me to eventually come to terms with my father’s death and in the process kick off my quest for happiness.
My father Mohinder Singh took his own life in March 2006. My story recounts my Punjabi upbringing in Pear Tree, Derby and the stigma of depression and mental health issues in the Asian community.
In Part One of my story I talk about the lead up to my father’s death and then the subsequent fallout and aftermath. I describe how it has affected me and how those around me have also reacted to it. In most cases, with silence. Either people are too uncomfortable talking about it, because they feel they might upset me. Or they just don’t know what to say and avoid conversation. My biggest fear after the death of my father was that people would forget about him because they stopped talking to me about him because of the way he died. That was not fair. My father was a good man whose mind was corrupted by mental illness. In the Asian community mental illness can be seen as a weakness and something to be ashamed of. My father was unable to speak out. However, if our community can accept that mental illness is genuine and that help is available then many more lives could be saved. We must be able to talk freely about it and find better ways to communicate our thoughts to others who will not judge or desert us.
It is my hope that my story will alert people to the dangers of dismissing mental illness or not taking it seriously. To help people understand how to spot the signs. To show people who have had their lives almost destroyed by it that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is always hope, no matter how bad things initially seem.
My pride in my Sikh roots and what my people have contributed to the world is quite evident as you read through Part One. A good example of which is the courageous Gian Singh VC.
In the epilogue of Part Two (2017) I reveal that I designed the Sikh Poppy Khanda to honour all the Sikhs who fought and sacrificed their lives during the World Wars. It was also my way of honouring Gian Singh VC who was a soldier from my mother’s village in the Punjab.
My memories of Quantum Leap, Frequency and Deep Space Nine were originally supposed to be added to the postscript. However on reflection I decided to just stick with my Doctor Who memories and their connection to my father.
A FATHER IN TIME AND SPACE
“I have loved Science Fiction for as long as I can remember. Even before my father’s death some of my most memorable memories in the genre have revolved around father and child relationships. In every case, about a son or daughter travelling back in time to save their father”
Frequency was a 2000 American science fiction thriller film. It was co-produced and directed by Gregory Hoblit and written and co-produced by Toby Emmerich. The film stars Dennis Quaid and Jim Caviezil as father and son, Frank and John Sullivan respectively.
John Sullivan’s Father
‘What if you had the chance to travel back in time and change just one event in your life? What would it be? For John Sullivan, there is no question. He would undo the events of October 12, 1969, when his father, a heroic fire-fighter dies. Now John may get exactly what he wished for – and much more than he bargained for.’
A rare atmospheric phenomenon allows a New York City fire-fighter to communicate with his son 30 years in the future via HAM radio. The son uses this opportunity to warn the father of his impending death in a warehouse fire, and manages to save his life. However, what he does not realise is that changing history has triggered a new set of tragic events including the murder of his mother. The two men must now work together, 30 years apart, to find the murderer before he strikes so that they can change history again.
Quantum Leap was an American television series that originally aired on NBC for five seasons from March 1989 through May 1993. Created by Donald P. Bellisario, it starred Scott Bakula as Dr. Sam Beckett, a Physicist who leaps through space-time during an experiment in time travel, by temporarily taking the place of other people in order to correct historical mistakes. Dean Stockwell co-starred as Admiral Al Calavicci, Sam’s womanising, cigar-smoking companion and best friend, who appears to him as a hologram.
‘Theorising that one could time travel within his own lifetime, Dr. Sam Beckett stepped into the Quantum Leap accelerator and vanished…He woke to find himself trapped in the past, facing mirror images that were not his own and driven by an unknown force to change history for the better. His only guide on this journey is Al, an observer from his own time, who appears in the form of a hologram that only Sam can see and hear. And so Dr. Beckett finds himself leaping from life to life, striving to put right what once went wrong and hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home.’
Sam Beckett’s Father
John was named after his grandfather and was a kind honest hard-working dairy farmer, who loved and respected his wife, Thelma Louise Beckett. Sam, Tom and Katie were the children of John and Thelma. John worked on the dairy farm, sixteen hours a day and seven days a week. However, he also used to smoke many cigarettes a day but then claim he was healthy because he worked hard, slept well, and ate plenty of dairy products. Unfortunately, this would not prevent the fatal heart attack that would kill him.
In the episode ‘The Leap Home, Part I’, Sam tries to make his father stop smoking but fails to convince him to change his diet or even start exercising. Thus, in the original sequence, John would still die in 1973 from the fatal heart attack. This would still bring about a sequence of events that would adversely affect the whole family. However, these events changed after Sam leapt into his own family circumstances in 1971, and was finally able to help change things for the better (with the exception of Tom, who still initially died in Vietnam, until Sam leapt into his unit as a Marine officer in ‘The Leap Home, Part II Vietnam’). As John finally listened to his son’s advice, a future bad marriage for Sam’s little sister Katie was also avoided. In the changed sequence, John was still alive in 1999.
‘Well, a boy can’t feel about his Dad the way you do without his knowing it.’
John Becket to Sam Beckett
End of Series
‘Dr. Sam Becket never returned home.’
Star Trek : Deep Space Nine
Deep Space Nine was an American science fiction television series set in the Star Trek Universe. The show was set in the Milky Way Galaxy, in the years 2369-2375. In contrast to the setting of the other Star Trek TV shows, it took place on a space station instead of a star ship, (the star ship USS Defiant was introduced in season three, but the station remained the primary setting for the show). The stable wormhole discovered by the Deep Space Nine crew was known to the Bajoran people as the Celestial Temple of their Prophets. Commanding Officer Benjamin Sisko, initially discovered the wormhole and its inhabitants. Therefore he became the Emissary of Bajoran Prophecy. The other end of the wormhole lay in the Gamma Quadrant, halfway around the galaxy from Bajor. That section of Space was dominated by the malicious and malevolent Dominion. The Dominion were led by the Changelings, a race of shape shifters to which Odo belonged.
Jake Sisko’s Father
‘The Visitor’ is the third episode of fourth series of the American science fiction television programme Star Trek : Deep Space Nine, first broadcast on 9th October 1995. It was written by Michael Taylor and directed by David Livingston.
After a freak accident in the engine room of the Defiant claims the life of Benjamin Sisko, Jake Sisko lives out his life in an endless quest to locate his father.
Years later and now an old man living alone, Jake is visited by Melanie an aspiring writer who considers Jake to be her favourite author of all time. Surprised that Jake published only two works; Melanie asks why he stopped writing at 40. Jake tells her how his father died in an accident and then suddenly reappeared.
Many years previously Benjamin and Jake went to watch the wormhole undergo a subspace inversion that only happens once in several decades. Something went wrong though and the warp core of the Defiant began to breach. After repairing it, Benjamin was hit by a beam and disappeared. A few months later when things began returning to normal for Jake, he suddenly found his father in his bedroom, only to disappear a few moments later. But this would not be the only time his father would reappear and then disappear in his life again.
‘It begins many years ago. I was eighteen. And the worst thing that could ever happen to a young man happened to me. My father died.’
Adult Jake Sisko
‘I didn’t step forward. I couldn’t. I felt that no matter what I said about him, I’d be leaving so much more out; and that didn’t seem right.’
Adult Jake Sisko to Melanie
‘Let go, Jake. If not for yourself, then for me. You still have time to make a better life for yourself. Promise me you’ll do that… Promise me!’
Benjamin Sisko, imploring Jake to let him go
‘To my father, who’s coming home.’
Benjamin Sisko, reading the dedication in Jake’s last book
‘For you, and for the boy that I was. He needs you more than you know. Don’t you see? We’re going to get a second… chance.’
Jake Sisko, explain himself to his father with his last words
‘You OK, Dad?’
‘I am now, Jake. I am now.’
Jake Sisko, after Benjamin avoids the accident
As they return home together, Benjamin Sisko gains a greater appreciation for his son, knowing he would have given up his life for his father, even though this future Jake would cease to exist due to his sacrifice of himself to save his father.
End of Series
Benjamin Sisko resides in the Celestial Temple
What You Leave Behind
It has now been just over two months since I published my debut book ‘My Father & The Lost Legend of Pear Tree – Part One’. In that time I have shifted close to 200 units. These sales have come from Kindle sales, CreateSpace Print sales (Amazon) as well as individual sales, which I have been asked to personally sign.
Waterstones in Derby and Derby County Football Club are now stocking them in their respective stores, as well as Derby City Libraries which now have many copies scattered throughout Derby for the public to borrow.
During this time I have also appeared in the local Derby Evening Telegraph, been interviewed by Nihal on the BBC Asian Network and been seen on ITV Central News. In all three cases I have used the media platform to try and push Mental Health Awareness in the Asian Community.
I have also managed to get a number of good reviews on Amazon.
Am I happy? I guess most people would be, but I’m not most people. I want my story to be read and shared even more widely. However, I get the impression that there still seems to be a block in the mentality of some people who just don’t want to share it or can’t. Or maybe they feel they just don’t have the words to express themselves.
The stigma and the taboo around mental illness is still too strong for people to want to share their thoughts and opinions. I had no choice when I was writing this book. I knew what I was doing would be brutal and upsetting, but there was no way my father’s story was going to remain untold. He was a good man whose mind was corrupted by mental illness. The Asian Community in particular need to be aware of the dangers of not addressing these issues. The longer we stay deaf and blind to it, more people will die unnecessarily. Good people who deserve better.
In the hope of getting even more reviews and shares in the last day or so I’ve even reduced the Kindle price to £1.99. That is how desperate I am to make sure that my father’s story is not forgotten.
On Monday 16th May 2016, I was invited to take part in the centenary celebrations of Pear Tree Library. It was a great honour to be there and stand amongst my people in the heart of my old Pear Tree neighbourhood. You can hear about what I had to say on the day by clicking on the link below.
It was also a great pleasure to see an old Pear Tree Junior School teacher of mine, in the audience. Mr Steve Wetton. I will write about him in Part Two of my book. But if if you want to know more about Mr Wetton’s life you can also read about it in his wonderful book – Choose Happiness